Mirror of the Cross

I've been a little melancholy (ok to be honest - a lot) of late and have found my prayer life a struggle at times.  And so, as I was in my weekly adoration and was not surprised to find I didn't have anything really to say or pray.  So, I followed the advise of my favorite Psalm (Psalm 46) I was still and sat knowing that He was God and simply gazed upon the Blessed Sacrament.

As I looked at the Blessed Sacrament, it struck me that it sat upon the Altar and directly in front of the cross.  As if to say to me through this holy food, you receive graces from the sacrifice of the cross.

Hmmm...  So as it does, my mind began to wonder and I landed on the book of St. Clare that I had read recently and her Mirror of the Cross.  St. Clare said when we gaze upon the cross, it should be a mirror reflecting back to ourselves.  I have found this concept very interesting since I read it.  So, I began to think about just what do I see in the cross --- obedience for sure - we know from the Garden, Jesus asked for this cup to pass by him, but he would be obedient to the Father's will; I see mercy - Jesus asked from the cross for the Father to forgive us; I see love - He made sure that his mother was taken care of; and a giving of oneself to another without conditions or expectation of repayment.

The last item took my breath away - for I know it is one that I personally struggle with - giving to others without conditions.  I believe it is one of the messages society is giving us today -- "what's in it for me."  Only give of our time, talent or treasure if there is something in it for us.  Only loving others if they love us back or live up to what we expect.  Only forgiving others after they have shown to us repeatedly they are sorry.

This realization came to me as I sat before the cross and it made me very sad - for I know I have fallen into this trap many times.

So, now that I know this - what am I going to do with it?  For one, I need to get back to my regular prayer routines - even if at times I don't feel that the Father is listen (I know in my heart He is listening - I think I'm just not accepting the answer.)  I need to also get back to my regular devotion to the Rosary.  And I believe it would be good if would sit and look upon the cross a few minutes each day looking into the mirror to determine if I see Christ looking back at me or only my own will.  But most of all I need to work on my attitude of approaching each day not with expectations of what I can get - but of what can I give to another person.

Advent is here, it is a wonderful time to prepare our hearts for the coming of the Christ Child.  It's a time to evaluate our lives and look upon the cross and most of all - know that we are loved by God.