He Sighed from the Depth of His Spirit

As a kid, when I had done something really bad, my Mom would look at me and sigh.  And I knew what that meant; I was in trouble – big trouble.  The sigh was a precursor to the lecture and punishment that was to come.  I always dreaded when I heard that sigh.

In Monday’s Gospel (Mark 8:11-13) we hear the Pharisees once again badgering Jesus for a sign.  The Gospel writer tells us in response, Jesus “sighed from the depth of his spirit.”  I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a pretty heavy and critical sigh.

This passage has had me thinking since I read it.  Sighing is one of those reactions that can have many meaning – it can be (as in my Mom’s case) in frustration, anger or sadness; it can come from loneliness or despair; but, it can also be one of happiness and satisfaction (think of the teen girls in the movies who sigh when they see the dreamboat captain of the football team.)  So, which one describes Jesus’ sigh?

I believe we can find a clue in the first reading.  We know that the first reading, which is from the Old Testament, is chosen to accompany the Gospel to add insight.  The reading with Monday’s Gospel was from Genesis 4:1-15, 25.  In this passage we hear about Cain and Abel – Abel brings God the best of his first fruits, Cain just picks something out – not necessarily the best and is upset that God was more pleased with Abel’s gift than Cain’s.  God sees this and approaches Cain – trying to encourage him to do better and reminding him that “sin is a demon lurking at the door.”  He also tells Cain that he is perfectly capable of becoming sin’s master instead of it’s slave.  But we all know what happens there - Cain kills Abel out of jealousy.

So, in light of the Genesis reading – I imagine Jesus’ reaction is one of frustration and sorrow.  “We still don’t get it.”  We ask for signs when the source of all life is standing right in our midst.  Mankind has not changed much from Cain to that very moment – we want what we want – and we expect to receive it – even though we might be too blind to see we already have it.

Like Cain, the Pharisees do not “get it” – which brings me to today – and I believe I do the same thing - I don't always "get it."  We can pray, pray, pray for the things we want – but we do not see what we already have – right in our hands.  Each Sunday (and some weekdays - you know weekday Masses are not just for the old) we receive the Body of Christ – the source of all love, joy, peace, mercy and hope – placed there right in our hands.  The things we want are of this world, and though we feel they are critical – in the big scheme of life – they really are not.  What is important is how we choose to live our life – one of demanding signs or one living in the joys of our God.

I don’t know about you, but today, I’m choosing joy.

A Measure of a Person

I think this story will be safe to share - I don't believe my husband reads my blog - and if he does - I will soon know....

A while back our refrigerator died and we needed a new one.  My husband measured the space several times and he felt he had what we needed.  We went shopping and picked out a new refrigerator based on his measurements.  When it was delivered however, we quickly learned that it was not going to fit.  There wasn't room for the door to open, and there was a light switch that it was tight against.  We ended up having to do a little home remodeling - taking down about 8" of wall and moving the light switch.  Whether when we looked at the measurements posted on the refrigerator they were the inside measurements or he measured incorrect, who knows we just knew something was not right.  Actually, I think it looks a little better with the changes we had to make, but that's a whole different story.

One of the Gospels for this week talked about measuring and it had me thinking about exactly what is measuring all about.  As I was researching this topic of measuring, I asked myself - "Is judging and measuring the same thing?"  I believe the answer is yes and no.  To be clear - these are my personal definitions.  To me judging is when we look at someone or something and hold it to our personal standards with us being the gold standard.  "She doesn't keep house as good as I do, so I judge her to be less than me." (just an example - my house is always in need of cleaning)  We are determining someone's worth based on our personal beliefs and standards.  Where measuring is something a little different, is when we are looking at people and things based on standards set by society or tools that we have created.  We can see where they are making progress.  But here is where it get's sticky - now, we can use those measurements to judge.  Just as when we were determining if a refrigerator would fit - my husband had used a measuring tape - we were not judging the refrigerator, we held it up to the measurements we had - but then we eliminated refrigerators if we judged that they were either too big or too small (or didn't have an ice maker - I desperately wanted an ice maker.)

So, when we "measure someone up" - we may be looking at how successful they are based on their education, income, profession, etc. We can also judge ourselves and measure our success by these same society standards.  I'm turning 60 and all the TV ads keep telling me I should have X number of dollars set aside for retirement, I do not have that amount, so I am not measuring up to others who are my same age and so I judge myself worth as being less..   These are standards set by our society - right or wrong.  For we can see by my refrigerator debacle that measurements can be wrong or incorrect.

Why is this important?  Jesus has told us that as we judge others, so shall we be judged, and what we use to measure, we will be measured.  That's a little scary.  It definitely makes me uncomfortable.  So, first we shouldn't be judging anyone or ourselves.  It's wrong and we know it.  It can be hard at times, but we must be strong.  Measuring someone or ourselves may not always be bad - it depends on what tools we use and what we are using them for.  And I believe (again this is my opinion) the only tool we should be using is the two commandments Jesus left for us.  Love God above all others, love others as we love ourselves. 

My next question - is why do we want to measure anyone or ourselves in the first place?  Sometimes I know I need to stop and reflect back on things - how I handled a situation or am I keeping the Lord first in my life.  And I measure my actions based on these two commandments.  And at times (no, really a lot of times) I can see that I did not measure up - this can help me to correct my actions, I may need to apologize to someone - or even to the Lord.  In writing this - I am seeing that perhaps we shouldn't be measuring anyone else - for then it is too easy to slide into judgement.  And when measuring ourselves - it should only be to improve our growth and not to determine our self worth.

This process has been a little eye opening for me; when I started my research, I thought measuring was ok, but now I can see it can lead to other problems (and more time in the confessional.)