Changing my DNA

I am a child of the 60's and 70's - and attending Catholic school after Vatican II was interesting, though I didn't know it at the time.  The Sisters did their best, but it was a whole new world, new thoughts, new ideas.  Not only were we putting a man on the moon, but society as a whole was changing - so was the Church (St. Pope John XXIII - "we need to throw open the church windows - and let the light shine in.")  I can remember a Sister when I was in High School - had us write one of our sins on a small piece of paper which we put together in a coffee can - she then set it a fire.  I don't remember her saying we were forgiven - but I think the exercise was to remind us as the smoke risen, it took our sorrow and our desire for Mercy to the Father; and to give it to God to help us overcome that particular sin.  I also remember watching a birthing film in my Senior year as part of our Senior Religion Class (which I fainted during - but that's a whole different story.)  So, I can safely say some of the basic catechism was missed.

Today I am working on improving my understanding of the Catholic Church and my faith.  One of the ways I am doing this is studying the Gospels.  I've started with Mark - it's the first written and the shortest - and according to my Pastor - it's the best (could be because his name is Mark...lol).  Now, with all this back ground information on me in mind - you can understand better my revelation.

I am into the Last Supper - Take and Eat, Take and Drink.  The commentator on this section has made an interesting point (though I'm sure I have heard this before - it has really hit me now.)  She said in Hebrew "body" does not only mean the flesh - but the whole person - flesh and soul.  As I read this I had a revelation - when we receive Holy Communion - Jesus comes into us (not new news here) - his whole person - but not just for an hour or a day - but for the rest of our lives - he has become a part of our DNA, he has become a part of who we are; he has changed us.  It is why we celebrate the first time someone celebrates the Sacrament of the Eucharist.  He is there, He is a part of us - always - whether we acknowledge it or not.  I see it as my super power.  And, receiving Holy Communion on a regular basis helps us to grow closer to him; helps us to open our hearts to acknowledge his presence within us; helps us to allow him to change us even more.

One of the other revelations I had when reflecting on how Jesus joins with us when we eat and drink - is that he is there for the long haul - not like someone who get's mad when we do something wrong and unfriends us on FaceBook - but he is there come hell or high water.  We might be going through troubling times, but Jesus is there - and he is not going away - no matter how hard we might try.

I have always had a devotion to the Holy Eucharist - when I was a child - I so believed it was Jesus' body, I thought the small cross that is in the center of host was a vein - Father said it was Jesus - and so I completely believed - without question.  But now I have an even deeper devotion - I have a better understanding of how important it is to receive Holy Communion.  As Father raises the Bread and the Wine at consecration - I find myself saying - "Thank you Lord - I believe, I truly believe.)

A Rosary in my Pocket

This past weekend, we hosted Sister Angela de Fatima Coelho from Fatima at our Parish (St. Anthony of Padua, Grand Rapids, MI).  She is the Sister who was chosen to be the Postulator for the canonization of the two of the smaller children of Fatima, Jacinta and Francisco.  And I have to say, she was simply marvelous, I could have listened to her all day.

Sister Angela told us the story of Fatima - the children were out tending the flock when they saw lightening and thought a storm was coming.  So, they began to head for home.  While doing so they came upon a bush where Jacinta and Lucia saw a beautiful lady and  knelt down.  Francisco - who thought his sister and cousin were out of their minds wanted to get home before the storm came.  At some point Jacinta and Lucia realized that Francisco could not see the beautiful lady and they asked her why could he not see her.  Her answer was for Francisco to pray his Rosary.  So they told Francisco to pray his rosary - Francisco, took his Rosary from his pocket and began to pray, while doing so, his vision was cleared and he began to see the beautiful lady.

This is where the story struck me -- Francisco took his Rosary from his pocket.  A seven year old child had his Rosary in his pocket (in fact all three of the children had their Rosary's with them.)  I began to think - do I have a Rosary in my pocket ready for prayers?  It's in my purse - does that count?  There is one by my bedside - can I count that?  But to be honest I needed to answer "no - I do not have a Rosary in my pocket ready for prayers."

Mary asked the children to pray their Rosary everyday.  I had this devotion a while ago, but have fallen away from it.  Why?  I would say it was laziness.  Honestly, I can pray a simple Rosary in about 15 minutes, if I'm adding Scripture to it - it could take a little longer.  How many 15 minute segments in my day do I waste away?

After hearing Sister Angela tell this wonderful story, I found myself with a renewed spirit to restart my devotion of praying my Rosary every day.  I also am working on keeping my Rosary with me - ready.  It's our greatest weapon to sin - and one we should all use.

When we pray our Rosary, just like Francisco, our vision will be cleared and we will begin to see God's hand at work in our lives and in the lives of those around us.  It brings many Graces with it.  For me, I always feel lighter and more hopeful.

There are many lessons we can learn from Fatima - and each of us needs to listen to the story once again (even if we think we know it by heart.)  I feel the biggest for me - at this time in my life - is the lesson of renewed spirit of prayer which will help me grow closer to the Lord.

So, I ask you - do you have your Rosary in your pocket - ready for prayers?  Join me in a renewal of this devotion and follow the instruction of our Holy Mother - to pray a Rosary every day.

You can hear Sister Angela here

Son of David, Have Pity On Me

I was just on this wonderful retreat.  Each year for the past 6 years I go to the Sisters of St Francis in Sylvania Ohio for several days (this year it was 5 days.)  They have these two one room cabins (called Hermitages) which you can rent.  There is no TV, internet, or phone. They have all your basic needs covered, including a little kitchenette for you to cook your meals.  On the campus, there are areas of artwork which you can spend time with and reflect, a lovely chapel which is a model of the chapel St. Francis built in Italy, and a Church.  Basically my retreat is my own.  I go with a bag full of books, never knowing where God will lead me.  I love to read about the Saints and this year I found a book by Pope Francis "Walking with Jesus" which is a collection of some of his Homilies and general audience sermons.  All this reading helps guide me, but I have found that the greatest time is when I just sit quietly, not talking, not thinking, but simply be with the Lord.

I know there are times I get too caught up in my prayers  - trying to justify my prayer, trying to say the right thing - adding words.  Have pity on me, heal them, forgive me, open me, protect my grandchildren --- all are simple request just like Bartimaeus - a blind man sitting along the road to Jericho who cried out as Jesus was passing by "Son of David, have pity on me." (Mark 10:46)  But more than requests, they are a sign of faith.

Faith comes when we have built a relationship with the Lord and fully trust in his compassion.  It is the "something" which we can lean on when nothing we do will help - when we finally release everything to God, and trust him.  This relationship takes our effort - to spend time with the Lord, talk with him, cry on his shoulder and thank him for the simple things in our lives.  We don't need eloquent words to ask God for help - we simply must ask, and know that God is in charge.  It is when we let go of our fears and allow our hearts and souls to take charge.  Our Lord wants us to trust him - to love him - to recognize his working in us. 

And this takes me back to my retreat - In Pope Francis' book - there was a line that hit right to the heart of things.  "God never tires of forgiving us; we are the ones who tire of seeking his mercy." (Walking with Jesus, page 16)  And as I reflected on that one little line - the tears began to flow and I found myself saying those two simple little words "forgive me."  God's mercy is so great - our human minds cannot grasp the magnitude of it.  But, unfortunately we stop asking for it, we stop asking for forgiveness.  I've come home from retreat with a desire, each and everyday to ask the Lord to "forgive me" and "grant me your mercy."  Simple prayers, yes - but ones with great impact on my relationship with the Lord.

So, I ask you to join me each day - stop what you are doing - and simply pray "forgive me."

Bargaining with God

I've done it many times - I'm sure you have too -- praying that if the Lord would do XYZ in our life then we would do ABC.

When I was experiencing my infertility issues in my early 20's - I can remember each month begging the Lord to "let this be the month" and promising the Lord all kinds of things if it could only be true.  I look back at it now and can see my lack of faith - of trusting the Lord for he can see the "big picture" and that I was only caught up in my immediate pain.

While going to all the doctors trying to overcome my infertility - it came to light that while my mother was pregnant with me (in the late 1950's) she took a drug (diethylstilbestrol - known as DES) to help with stopping miscarrying me.  She had had 4 miscarriages before me.  And she trusted her doctors and believed that this drug was good and would help her carry me to full term.  What she did not know is the lasting effects that that drug would have on my health and fertility.  I recently started doing more reading on the drug - I had known it was the cause of my infertility - but did not have a clue on what other effects it had on me.

With the revelations I had learned, I found myself asking the Lord once again - why did you not just let me still get pregnant - all things are possible - and I had read of other DES daughters still being able to conceive - though having troubled pregnancies.   And the Lord showed me, that this drug would have effected the lives of my daughters and possibly granddaughters - and that I would not have been able to survive the gut wrenching guilt and pain of it.  That took my breath away.  Yes, I had gone through much pain when I was young and trying to conceive - but Jesus could see the future and was guarding my heart from something an even greater pain - the knowledge that I had passed on this infirmity to others.

I think when we are going through troubles - yes, we need to reach out to the Lord and ask for help - but we should stop all the bargaining.  The Father has a plan for our lives, and he is perfectly capable to work around the evils of this world to see his will come to pass.  And we need to learn to trust in His plan - His will.  Our prayers should be one of praying for graces to help us work through our problems - not for them to magically go away.  I am thankful he put a wonderful Catholic doctor in my life at that time who said that it may be time to look at other options and being an adoptive father himself - he shared with me the beauties of adopting a child.  This conversation lead my husband and myself on a whole new path and within in a year we adopted a 7 year old son who need our love so desperately.

The pain of never birthing a child lingered with me for years - but the Lord have me the graces to put them aside and to rejoice the love of our son and grandchildren.

Trusting in God is a must for us and one of faith.  My prayers for myself and you is that our faith may continue to grow - our love of God consumes our heart and the peace of knowing we are walking this world with him at our side.

O Breathe on Me

O breathe on me, O breath of God,

Fill me with life anew,

That I may love the things you love,

And do what you would do.

O breathe on me, O breath of God,

Until my heart is pure,

Until my will is one with yours,

To do and to endure.

O breathe on me, O breath of God,

My will to yours incline,

Until this selfish part of me,

Glows with your fire divine.

O breathe on me, O breath of God,

So shall I never die,

But live with you the perfect life

Of your eternity.

                                                                                                 ~~Edwin Hatch
                                                                                                     1835 - 1889
                                                                                                     Public domain

Purpose in the Journey

Have you ever been at a point in your life you just ask God "What in the world is going on here - why am I having to go through this (fill in the blank)?"  Life is storming all around you - the waves are high and are threatening your life. I can assure you I definitely have.

We all have those issues which at the time feel like they will break us - for me, there have been so many --- not being able to conceive a child, going through a lengthy adoption process, a break-up of a marriage, financial issues, medical issues, death of a parent and another in deteriorating health; and the list goes on.  I can remember each time I would ask God "why is this happening - what have I done - what is the purpose of this drama - how am I to survive this?"  It can feel like your whole life has been attacked, and your journey has been stalled - turned upside down and inside out, and there isn't any way you can see that will move you out of it.  But then a ray of light will shine and  a path will open - one you did not see before, perhaps you can only see the first couple of steps, but you are drawn to it and it takes courage and strength to put one foot in front of the other.

I believe that all the challenges we go through in life, is part of a greater journey - and though we do not see the end, and we cannot understand what meaning there is in the steps we take - there is a greater plan - God's will versus our own will.  It makes me think of the old adage "it is the journey, not the destination."

Our journey may take us up hill and down - to the highest mountain tops and into deepest valleys.  Have you noticed that we grow closer to God in the valleys of our lives?  It is when all human ability is for not - and only the grace of God can save us.  Faith is found in those valleys - love and mercy are there too.

Christ calls us to trust - trust in him even when the storm surges all around us; when we are in the deepest darkest valleys.  It reminds me of when Jesus and the disciples were in the boat and a storm blew in tossing them about - the disciples were so afraid that they would capsize and drown, but Jesus was calmly sleeping through it.  And in their distress, the disciples woke Jesus - who rebuked the storm and calmed the waves.  And even though Jesus chastised them for their lack of faith - it tells me that even when all life is storming around you and your faith is not strong - simply turning to Jesus will help to calm the waves and will help your faith to grow.

Turning to Christ each day, even though the storm is growing around you - also grows your faith - and opens you up to the Lord's mercy.  Mercy is what will save us - and mercy can be found in every storm or dark valley we travel through.

Today I choose to not allow the storm to take my focus off of what is most important - I pray the same for you.

Touching Jesus

Growing up I was not much of a hugger - perhaps that is because my parents were not huggers.  This in no way affected how much I loved others - I just was uncomfortable with the physical touch.  But as I grew older, I've found I'm much more ready to give someone a hug - as long as I know them - hugging strangers - I'm not there yet.

As humans, touch is important to us - studies have shown that human touch is needed for our development.  They have new moms being mindful for their babies to have skin on skin contact.  And, it's important for the touch to be not necessarily planned, but intentional. 

So, what does that have to do with touching Jesus?  We cannot physically touch him - right?  I believe the answer is wrong - we can touch Jesus - but as with human touch - that touch needs to be intentional. 

We go through life bumping into people all the time at the grocery store, or trying to get through a busy hallway at work. I'm such a klutz that I can bump into someone even if we are the only two people in the room...lol.  Bumping into others - don't really count as touching - touch is reaching out to show love or concern for another person -- it is something personal.

My question is, how many times have I just bumped into Jesus?  We can go through our day -perhaps mindlessly pray (such as saying grace before our meal - it's automatic without much thought), Or pwe don't recognize a blessing we received; or even allowing the business of our life to simple take priority.  I know I'm guilty of all of them at one time or another - and sometimes all three at once.

Encountering the Lord - it is intentional, it must be purposely done.  Just as the women who reached out to touch Jesus' garment to stop her flow of blood.  The crowd was bumping into Jesus - crowding him - none of them were healed, but the women - reached out with intention - she knew in her heart that she only needed to touch the hem of his garment to be healed - her touch was one of faith.  Jesus stopped and asked who touched him - the disciples thought it was a crazy question given the crowd - but you see - they (the crowd) were not touching him they were just mindlessly going along bumping into him.  Jesus' wanted the women to not only have physically healing, but spiritual too which is why he asked "who touched me."

Today my prayer is for you and me to be more mindful of opportunities to touch Jesus;  And, I pray that we all may have a better understanding of the healing power of Jesus' touching us too.