Seeing the Feet of God

Let me set the scene -- it was my first weekend retreat (Friday evening through Sunday.)  As my friend and me checked in, we were given a notebook (what in the world was this for?) and told this was a silent retreat (what?!) - the whole retreat - even during meals we were not to speak to each other.  Father would have lectures both morning and afternoon for us to meditate upon.

Those who know me, know I can be a very talkative person (I cannot tell you how many times I got in trouble in school for talking - but trust me it was a lot) - and then put me with 50 other women and tell me I cannot talk with them over the course of the next three days -- well, you can guess it, I went crazy.  I had not been prepared for this.  So, what did I do?  I pouted - "poor me."  I did attend some of the lectures, but the temptation to talk was strong, which lead me to spend more time in my room praying and reading.

But I did participate in one important part - we had a Holy Hour on Saturday evening (which is an hour in adoration before the Blessed Sacrament.)  Now before this time I had been trying in my mind's eye to look at Christ on the Cross - but all I could see was his feet.  I could not force my eyes upwards -- I believe I was in fear of what I would see - for I know I am a sinner, and am not truly worthy of God's love.

During the Holy Hour - while I was meditating on Christ's sacrifice - I once again tried to look at Jesus on the cross - I started seeing his feet once again in mind's eye, but then a marvelous thing happened.  My eyes moved upward and I saw the face of Jesus.  It was swollen and badly beaten, bruised and bloodied.  Then my eyes looked into his eyes - where I did not see judgement or anger, but rather mercy and forgiveness.  And most of all, I saw love.  His love for me but also his love for the whole world.  Here I had been all weekend thinking about myself, and not allowing something new to move me closer to the Lord.

This was a definite turning point in my relations with Christ.  Each time now, when I feel that I am being small and only concerned with my needs - I see in my mind's eye his face - and I know we are not here to do for only our needs - we are here to love the Father for his sacrifice and mercy.  We are then to take that glorious love of his and share it with one another.  His love cannot be kept to ourselves - it must be shared.

Have you tried to truly look at Christ on the cross in your mind's eye?  If not, I encourage you to try -- put yourself at the foot of the cross and look upwards.  I feel confident in saying, I know whatever you will find will change you - challenge you - and deepen your relationship with the Lord.