Seeing the Feet of God

Let me set the scene -- it was my first weekend retreat (Friday evening through Sunday.)  As my friend and me checked in, we were given a notebook (what in the world was this for?) and told this was a silent retreat (what?!) - the whole retreat - even during meals we were not to speak to each other.  Father would have lectures both morning and afternoon for us to meditate upon.

Those who know me, know I can be a very talkative person (I cannot tell you how many times I got in trouble in school for talking - but trust me it was a lot) - and then put me with 50 other women and tell me I cannot talk with them over the course of the next three days -- well, you can guess it, I went crazy.  I had not been prepared for this.  So, what did I do?  I pouted - "poor me."  I did attend some of the lectures, but the temptation to talk was strong, which lead me to spend more time in my room praying and reading.

But I did participate in one important part - we had a Holy Hour on Saturday evening (which is an hour in adoration before the Blessed Sacrament.)  Now before this time I had been trying in my mind's eye to look at Christ on the Cross - but all I could see was his feet.  I could not force my eyes upwards -- I believe I was in fear of what I would see - for I know I am a sinner, and am not truly worthy of God's love.

During the Holy Hour - while I was meditating on Christ's sacrifice - I once again tried to look at Jesus on the cross - I started seeing his feet once again in mind's eye, but then a marvelous thing happened.  My eyes moved upward and I saw the face of Jesus.  It was swollen and badly beaten, bruised and bloodied.  Then my eyes looked into his eyes - where I did not see judgement or anger, but rather mercy and forgiveness.  And most of all, I saw love.  His love for me but also his love for the whole world.  Here I had been all weekend thinking about myself, and not allowing something new to move me closer to the Lord.

This was a definite turning point in my relations with Christ.  Each time now, when I feel that I am being small and only concerned with my needs - I see in my mind's eye his face - and I know we are not here to do for only our needs - we are here to love the Father for his sacrifice and mercy.  We are then to take that glorious love of his and share it with one another.  His love cannot be kept to ourselves - it must be shared.

Have you tried to truly look at Christ on the cross in your mind's eye?  If not, I encourage you to try -- put yourself at the foot of the cross and look upwards.  I feel confident in saying, I know whatever you will find will change you - challenge you - and deepen your relationship with the Lord.

What's Sitting on my Reading Table

I just love to read - to find a quiet place in my home and curl up with a good book in my opinion is an excellent way to spend time.  Some of the books I read are just for fun (I love cozy mysteries) and others speak to my soul. Right now I am reading one of those "speaks to my soul" books.  While I was on retreat, I found this book in the gift shop.

It is "Clare of Assisi" by Illa Delio.  What a wonderful gem!  Honestly, I did not know anything about St. Clare other than that she was with St. Francis.  This book takes us on her journey to God.  She has outlined four parts of her path - the first is the Gaze, second Consider, third Contemplate and then finally desire to imitate Jesus.

I am in awe of this women!  Here we have someone who did not have a high education, and yet she has developed a philosophy of Love that can change each and everyone of us.

I will just share her first part of her path - Gaze Upon Him.  At first I was not sure what she meant - but the more I read, the more I came into an understanding.  As we look upon the Crucified Christ - we should see the Crucifix as a mirror which reflects ourselves back to us.  For in the cross we should find what we need for life and what we should become - love, compassion, obedience to name just a few.  Christ did not "have to" go to his death on the cross - he did it for the love of us and the love of the Father.  He demonstrates such compassion for us - even if we do not know we need it - there is Mercy on that Cross! And obedience - again - Jesus just need to say one word and the Angels would have descended from Heaven to rescue him.  But Jesus was obedient to the Father - he chose to follow God's Will and not his own.  Can we say the same about us?  I know this part of the path alone will be a life long journey for me.

I will admit the introduction and first chapter was a challenge to read - I'm wondering if now that I have almost finished reading the book, it might be good to go back over those two section.  But as I read more, the more I was drawn in.  My highlighter was flying.

I found it on Amazon: Clare of Assisi A Heart Full of Love

I am sure you can also ask your local Catholic Book shop, if they do not have it in stock, to order it for you.

I give it two thumbs up!

Ode to My Lord

Jesus my Lord, my love, my joy

You are my brother, my father, my King.

You give Hope to the despaired

You bring Light to those in darkness

You bring Comfort to those in pain

You bring Peace to those who's hearts are troubled.

In you I have  found Love, Gladness and Mercy.

In you I have receive strength

In you I find rest.

I give you all the glory and honor!

For you have picked me up when I have fallen

You have fed me when I was hungry

You have heard my cries.

All the days of my life I will sing of your goodness,

And I will praise you holy name till the ends of time.

Waiting on God

I know I've heard many times - God's timing is not our timing; and that all things will comes as he ordains it.  That is all well and good, but it does not make the waiting any easier.  I will admit it - I can be a very impatient person, and waiting for God's time has me drumming my fingers.

Lately I've been reading a lot about St. Therese and St. Faustina and their desires of an early death, not wanting to remain in this world, but to quickly move into the next. to be even closer to the Lord.  This has been laying heavy on my mind and I have found myself also praying for God's deliverance.  I so look forward to standing before the Lord and have felt my time here on earth may be just biding my time to return home.

All this being said, a few weeks ago, while in Adoration, I was gently reminded that I am already in the presence of the Lord. (It's that tap of the Holy 2x4 to the forehead I like to refer to - "Hello Theresa - wake up - I'm talking to you.")  For God is in the essence of everything around me - everything I see, eat, feel, hear; God is already there.  He is also in every person who cross my path - whether in person, on the phone, or in the digital media.  He is there - He is with me - He is with all of us.  And even though I many not physically see that I am standing before the Throne of God - I am - actually, we all are.

God is a loving father - he would never leave us here alone to navigate these trouble waters.  And being here on earth is defiantly not a waste of time, but an opportunity to do his will.  We all have a (or more) mission(s) - and we may not even have a clue as to what that mission is - and that is okay; for if we continue to follow the path set before us - the Holy Spirit will lead us to it and help us to accomplish the task set before us.

So, does this help with my impatience - somewhat - I keep laughingly telling my husband - that God keeps giving me "opportunities" to practice being patient. It is truly a work in process.

Does the realization that God is constantly with us in everything we do, say, pray; give me any comfort -- that would be a definite YES.  I find I look at the world with different eyes since that day in the chapel of my Church.  And I am finding that if the Father can be in the smallest of details of nature - than I certainly can let go of my wants for the future and trust in his timing, no matter how long that would be - with no finger drumming.