You Have Loved Me First

When my son was young and I would tell him "no" about something he wanted or wanted to do - he would throw himself into a chair - announcing how much I did not love him and how I was the meanest mommy in the world.  I would respond one of two ways - either clap dramatically claiming I expected an Oscar out of him some day -- or if he used the meanest mommy line - I would exclaim - "Oh Good!  They are presenting the award soon - and I am so hoping to win!"  This usually made him laugh and diffused the situation so we could talk about why I had said no.

So, this morning I was reading my Magnificat and the last line from the morning hymn was "You, O Lord, have loved me first."  This got me thinking about a parent's love.  And I thought with a smile of when my son was young.  All the times we had to say no because what he wanted or wanted to do would not be good for him and how he would react.  And this made me think of all the prayers I have prayed and did not receive the answer I wanted - the Father had told me "no" - not because he was trying to be mean and didn't love me - but because he does love me.

We become so caught up with the here and now, we forget that the Father loved us long before we were ever born.  That he has called us each by our name - he knows how many hairs are on our head and freckles on our nose.

As much as I love my son, it no way compares to how much the Father loves me.  And, he has that vast love for each of us - even when we are throwing a temper tantrum and dramatically throwing ourselves into a chair - he LOVES us.

Knowing this, we should move boldly through the world - we should not be afraid to do the "right thing."  To speak-up for those who do not have a voice - to care for those who are unloved by society - and to love those children who's parents need help.  We can be so quick to judge - love does not judge - love is there no matter the situation.  And, love is there all the time - not just when it's convenient, not just when it can be squeezed into our calendar, not just on a holiday when it makes us feel good to do something for another person during that time of the year.

Advent is coming - it is a time for all of us to share the Father's love with one another - build habits of loving others that will carry forth long after the holiday ends.

I encourage you as we move into a new Liturgical Year - to make your life - a life of love - to find new ways you can love others - someone you may not know - someone who may be totally different from yourself.  For truly they are not different and unknown - they are loved by the Father the same as us - they, as we, are all part of the same family.

Commit to a year of loving others the same as your are loved by the Father. I believe by this time next year - your life will be completely different and so enriched with love you will wonder why it took you so long to do it.

I want to be a lowercase s saint

Let me give you some background - when I was born, my mother was in the process of joining the Catholic Church - the priest who was leading the classes came and visited us while we were still in the hospital and explained to my mother which Saint Therese to name me after.  Afterwards that priest ended up becoming a Bishop - so I'd like to think my name is blessed.  And I love reading and learning more about Saint Therese and her "little way."

This week while in Adoration in my church's chapel, I was beginning my prayers and discussion with the Lord.  After my initial prayers on my knees, I like to sit back and relax - like having a cup of coffee with an old friend - one you can say anything to and know they will not judge you - but give you great advise.  So there I was sitting, gazing at the Blessed Sacrament, telling God how great he was - that He was my God, my Lord, my Friend; that how in awe I am in in his creation.  And how thankful I am of his love and mercy.  And then I said it, "I want to be a saint."  Not a Capital S Saint - by a lowercase s saint.  And my thoughts drifted to St Therese.  For she too wanted to be a saint.  And she developed a marvelous way to do it.

One of the things I love about St. Therese is that she did not feel we had to suffer our way to heaven, but instead we had to "love" our way to heaven.  It is recognizing our littleness (compared to God) and that in the big scheme of things we are nothing more than little children who cannot climb the first step of the staircase and call out to our Lord who will come and lift us up.

Now, just what is a lowercase s saint and how does someone become one?  I believe she (in my case) would be someone who tries on a daily bases to do the Father's will.  Notice I said try - for we are all only human and we are destine to fail - but the key is not in the failing but in the ability to rise anew each morning and try again.  A lowercase s saint sees Christ in everyone and shares the love they have received with all who they encounter; they love life - all life - from conception to natural death; they love the marvelous creation the Father has placed in our hands.  And most important they recognize nothing can happen without the Father's love and mercy - they know we are not on the journey on our own.

So, declaring yourself a lowercase s saint may sound pretty scary - it was for me the first time those words crossed my lips; just what will be asked of me and what happens if I fail.  Let's think about it this way - first as I said earlier we are human and God knows we are human and he knows we will fail.  But it's faith that leads us to try again; and with the failing comes our growing in our trust in the Father to be there for us.  And second - the Lord has already given us everything we need to be a lowercase s saint for this is truly what he wants us to do.  He has equipped us with all kinds of blessings, gifts and tools to do the job; he has given us his Word in the Bible; he has sent the Holy Spirit to guide us and he has given us the sacraments to help sustain us on the journey.  So now, we just need to love our way to heaven.

I challenge you to join me - make the commitment to the Lord that you too what to be a lowercase s saint - we will travel together, failing and getting back up with each step knowing the Lord is at our side as any good parent would be cheering us on.

Also, if you have not read St. Therese' autobiography "The Story of a Soul" I highly recommend you pick a copy up - it is so enlightening; easy to read and relate to.

Everyone Else is Doing It

I recently was listening to talk radio, and someone said "everyone else is doing it" - this immediately took me back to my teenage years when I was trying to talk my mother into letting me do something.  My argument would usually include the phrase "everyone one else is doing it" and my mother's classic response was "well, I suppose if everyone else was running around naked, you would want to do it too."  Now, this makes me laugh today, then as a teenage girl longing to fit in with all my friends it only frustrated me.

In this past weekend's Gospel (Mark 10:17-30)  we hear about the rich man who asked Jesus what more could he do to insure he would inherit eternal life.  I'm sure he was thinking - I have done everything just as everyone else; I have followed the law to the "T" - I should be good.  But Jesus words stunned him - to go sell everything - and then give the money to the poor.  The Gospel tells us he went away sad for he had many possessions.

We are told through so much media what everyone else is doing and that we should be doing it too - what car to drive, were to go for vacation, how to host the perfect party, how our kids should dress.  These messages come to us from various locations - through TV advertising, magazines, TV shows and social media - and sometimes from our very friends and family members (I know I've been guilty of that.)  We all post what we are doing right (even if it's not the complete truth) - how everything is going great - and we are giving false hope to those who are not able to do exactly what "everyone else is."  As a young bride - the first question that was asked of me, was "when were we going to start having children" - God had other plans for my motherhood and I was not able to have biological children (we adopted) - and this frustrated everyone around me (especially if they did not know what was going on with our infertility issues.) And it frustrated me, for I knew that it was the norm to start a family shortly after getting married - it was expected of me.  We had been married for a year - I should be pregnant.  And then when we adopted - our son was 7 years old - not a baby - again we were not doing it right.  People around us did not know how to react.  But we knew our desire was to have a child in our life - it did not matter if he was an infant, toddler, or a Kindergartener.

Jesus' word to the rich man and to us are sometimes very hard to hear.  He challenges us to not always go with the norm - to think outside the box - to following God's will and not the will of everyone around us.  These words can be scary - and they can take us into uncharted territory.  But when we do follow God's will - there comes a peace with it - no matter how everyone else may feel - we can be at peace.

So, what is God's will for our lives?  Good question - and one I don't believe to have a set answer - for it is different for each and everyone of us.  We are all given different gifts and graces from God.  Each one to help us follow his will - our spiritual tool box so to speak.  One person may be good with the elderly and finds visiting them and taking them Communion is very fulfilling while others would not. Some may find happiness in raising a healthy happy family full of children - others would go crazy (I would have been one of those going crazy - thank God for unanswered prayers.)  We need to each find our place in God's world - we each need to find how to uses the gifts and graces God has blessed us with and we all need to find peace that it's okay to not "do what everyone else is doing."  There comes a time when we must grow in unusual places.  How to do this - prayer lots and lots of prayer.

And we need to find a way to accept those who do not do things as society has told us - for we are all God's children.

My Brokenness

I had been at the VA with my 82 year old Dad for his Pre-Op Exam appointment.  He has been diagnosed with bladder cancer and stage 4 kidney failure.  I had pushed his wheelchair all over the facilities - we started with the scheduling nurse, then on to labs, third floor for a chest x-ray and seventh floor for an EKG, then back to the first floor to meet with the nurse practitioner for the rest of the exam.  It's a two hour drive for me to meet him and my uncle at the VA (I'm coming from the north, they are coming from the south.)  But, here is the rub, my Dad has not necessarily been the best Dad in the world - and now he is being a real pain.  He is grouchy, rude, and mean. He does not appreciate when anyone does any type of kindness to him and always has a hard opinion about everyone in the world.  When he and my brother are together - it is impossible - oil and water.  But, here I am - with all the emotions from childhood stirred up; pushing him around the hospital.  I feel as a good Christian Catholic I have a duty to be here since he is my Dad, no matter what our past holds.  But then I'm human with all my faults and brokenness; I just want to run away from the whole thing.  It has been very hard, and a test of faith.

That evening though was something very special and healing and it became clear quickly it was just what I needed.  I attended an exceptional evening at my parish to honor our Holy Mother Mary.

We have an unusual statue of Mary at our Church - she is called "Broken Mary."  Kevin Matthews, one of my fellow parishioners found her by a dumpster, broken in half, chipped, and faded by the sun.  After a little negotiating, the shop owner relented to allow Kevin to bring Mary home.  He had a company fix her a little, they had first wanted to make her perfect - but Kevin had said no - he wanted the cracks and imperfections - for she represents our brokenness.  Kevin has written a book on Broken Mary and you can find it here on Amazon.  She resides in my Parish Church, but she is out and about visiting others many a time.

So, back to our special night - it was called "Broken Mary 2.0"  Kevin shared his story and how Broken Mary - who has traveled all over the city, the state, and beyond, has changed his life and the lives of so many who have been touched by her.  He shared that he feels her calling him to bring us all back to the devotion of the Rosary.  And during the evening we also had a very wonderful treat from John Angotti.  He has written a very special song for Broken Mary entitled "Mary's House."  If you are not familiar with John's music - I recommend to you to learn more about him - He did a Parish Mission at my Church this past spring and it was inspiring.

For me, this was such a special evening of healing - my eyes filled with tears from the start when as a faith community we prayed a Rosary and to the very end of the evening with John singing again his song for Mary. 

It is truly amazing how the Father gives us exactly what we need - when we need it.  I was very broken that day - and found I was completely healed by Mary's love.  When we entrust our brokenness to Mary - she shares the love and healing of her merciful son with us.  If you too are feeling brokenness - prayer to our Holy Mother for the graces of love and peace - and pray a Rosary - you will find welcoming and grace within her Motherly embrace.

Broken Mary - Diocese of Grand Rapids, MI

Broken Mary - Dynamic Catholic

I Will Help You

I am on my way to work on a Monday morning.  It's raining just enough to be a nuisance and I come up to a slow down on the highway where we are bumper to bumper crawling along at 20 miles an hour.  And I hear myself say "I'm so tired."

But, wait, is that right?  No, I'm not physically tired for I just had 8 good hours of sleep and a pretty quiet weekend.  What I really am is mentally tired.  Between regular worries such paying the bills and such, I am worried about the declining health of a family member, and also there is always my "To Do" list which seems to grow more each time I cross something off. I find myself thinking "God just take me from this, let me spend my days praying and worshiping you and not dealing with this day in day out stuff of my life."

Why does God have us here?  Why can life at times seem so hard?  Why? Why? Why?

I've joked many times with friends about my list I have to ask God about when I reach heaven - war, terrorism, famine, and such.  But I also have on this list -  why in the world would he let me wear hip hugging bell bottoms in the 70's - I look back at the pictures and shriek - then again God made the Ostrich so I know he have a sense of humor; and is there really aliens from outer space here on earth - I think I may have been watching too much "Ancient Aliens" on the History Channel.

So many questions, so little answers.  But, perhaps that is just the point.  Nothing builds faith more than adversity - we always grow closer to the Father in the valleys of our lives than on the mountain tops.  It is just like seeing a beautiful sunrise after days of rain and grey skies -- I know we will all marvel at the light of Christ.

When we experience difficulties within our lives, we have a choice -- will we turn to God or away from him.  Choosing Christ will not magically make all our troubles disappear, but what it does do, is gives us someone who will walk this path beside us; it gives us hope and it gives us peace.  Have you ever experiences someone who seems to be able to handle everything life has thrown at them?  They are sometimes referred to as a "rock" or "someone who can take everything in stride."  I bet if you could take a good deep look into their life, you would find that they are very grounded with Christ at it's center.  This grounding gives them a peace that no matter what comes at them - the Lord is there by their side.

Choosing Christ allows us to build our faith and our trust in the Lord.  With each little struggle we entrust to the Father we receive graces which helps strengthen us to work through our problems.  At times we may just need to quiet the world - the grace of peace can do this and will allow us to think through our problems.  I at times begin to fill overwhelmed with some problems and will pray for God to grant me the Grace of Clarity.  I will soon find I am able to beak down the problem into bit size pieces which are no longer so massive that I cannot see the end of the tunnel.  Now, would I get to that point without the Lord's help?  Maybe - but I do not believe that I would have the same peace as I do when the Father is at my side.

God is always there for us - we just need to ask.

For I am the Lord, your God, who grasp your right hand; It is I who say to you, "Fear not, I will help you."   Isaiah 41:13