Child of God

You may know the story of Zacchaeus.  He was a tax collector, considered a sinner because of his job.  Tax collectors were known to cheat people, to collect excessive taxes to line their own pockets.  They were looked upon as the lowest of humans in the time of Jesus.  Well, as the story goes, Zacchaeus had heard of Jesus and learned that he would be passing by him soon.  Wanting to see who this Nazorean was for himself, Zacchaeus ran out to the road; but the crowd was large and the Gospel tells us that Zacchaeus was short which meant he could not see Jesus over the crowd. But Zacchaeus was also smart, he ran ahead of where he knew Jesus would walk, and climb a tree.  Jesus knew Zacchaeus was there, he looked up and called him by name to come down from the tree and that he (Jesus) was to dine with him in Zacchaeus' home.  Now, as you can imagine, there were those who thought that this could not be (this is where you hear loud gasps from the crowd, women fainting, etc), how could this prophet, this man who cures the blind could ever sit at a table with a tax collector, a known sinner.  And here Jesus has the perfect response - knowing their thoughts, Jesus pointed out to them that Zacchaeus was just like them,  a descendant of Abraham.

I am currently working on studying the Gospels, and right now I am into the Gospel of Luke.  When I read this passage (Luke 19:1-10) this morning  I could not help but to think about the situation of our world today.  It made me wonder who would Jesus have dinner with today.

I have a confession, I am one who struggles with judging others, it seems to come so easily (isn't that true for sin in general).  I watch the news and look at social media - some I agree with, others I do not which determines what I think of people.  But, we live in a world of differences - different skin color, different religions, different economics, different up brings, different, different, different.... The list goes on.  But we seem to miss one key issue - we (I mean WE - everyone) was created from God's love.

God does not see us black or white, rich or poor; he sees our hearts and our souls, he sees as we truly are, HIS children.

Now, I know you are all nodding your head and saying - "duh Theresa, we know that."  But I ask you, do we truly, really, know that, not just in our brains, but deep down in our hearts, in our souls?  When we look at the news, when we see homelessness on our streets, when we see pictures of injustice, and hunger on social media - what do we see - what do we think?  Do we hear Jesus saying to us "they are just like you - a Child of God?"

Yes, we are all individuals, but we are also all the same - we hunger for love - love from each other and love from our Father.  We need to pray, and pray often to keep our eyes on that one truth.  We need to begin to see each other as we truly are, and we need to love each other as we truly are.

Now, I know there are those in this world who do not accept God's love, who do not believe it - but does that change the fact of that God's love it there?  No, and we are not responsible for their beliefs - what we ARE responsible for is how to we love them no matter what.  Someday when I am standing before the Throne of God - I don't want to hear him say that I failed in seeing his love in the people around me.  I know, it's not easy, we need to retrain our brains, we need to open our hearts, we need to remove the scales from our eyes.

We need to see the beautify of God's love which is all around us.  Today, I choose love; today I invite Jesus to dine at my table; today, I see you as you truly are - a Child of God.

20 Years from Now Will it Matter Where You Stood in Line in 2nd Grade?

Being a substitute teacher has many advantages - one, which is my favorite, you have the opportunity to work with a variety of ages of children.  I substitute from grades K-12 in the Catholic schools in my area.  Some subs will not do that - they have their favorite and will only sub for those grades, but I'm open and willing to sub any grade.

I have found it interesting in what the students get upset about - when they cry about some injustice - which for students from Kindergarten to about 4th grade seems to be everything.  For instance - when the younger classes are lining up - they will argue, push and shove each other about the order which they are to stand in line - who get's closer to the front, or another is when it's to be quiet reading time, who gets to set in the comfy chair or on the special carpet.  My response to them has been "in 20 years from now will it matter where you stood in line today?"  The younger kids will say "no" but don't really get my question - it's hard for them to think of time - they are more about the here in now.  The older kids do get my question - I even heard one student say it to another one.  This made me smile.

Today, in my continue study of the Gospels (I'm currently studying Matthew)  I came to the part where they ask Jesus about paying temple tax - Matthew 17:24-27.  The writers of the reflection gives great insight to what is really going on.  The temple tax was a requirement of every person to pay each year, it's profits goes to the upkeep of the temple.  Jesus asks Peter his thoughts on who the Kings of the Earth requires to pay a tax - subjects or foreigners.  Here is where there was given some clarity.  Due to translations - in Greek the "subjects" is really speaking of the King's own sons and the "foreigner" is everyone else.  Jesus is asking - do the Kings tax their own sons.  The answer is "no".  So in essence - does Jesus (Son of God) need to pay the tax.  Here is where we find Jesus "choosing his battles so to speak" he agrees to pay the tax by sending Peter out to catch a fish - in that fish's mouth will be a coin that would pay the tax for both Jesus and Peter.  Jesus uses the terms "so not to offend".  The reflection author notes that paying this particular tax does not offend or violate any of Jesus' moral principals.

This Gospel gave me pause and lead me to think and question - what are my moral principals - what is important to fight over and what is not?  For each person this will be a different answer.  But I do believe that what ever the answer is - it will not change over time - so that in 20 years it will matter where you stood on this particular subject.  It goes to our character - who we really are deep down - who we want to be.  And it made me think of a good way to determine what to do - "would I want this on my tombstone?" "She had a great faith in God" or "she was great at belittling someone who dist her on FaceBook?"  I think you know my answer.

We are living in stressful times to say the least, but it should not change our core values - in fact it is a time for those values to shine forth. 

Words and Actions

Several years ago, after my mother died, I was going through her sewing table – it’s like a desk with the sewing machine folded up inside.  In one of the drawers I found a note written by me as a child.  It said “we the undersigned agree to take care of the dog” and it’s signed by my brother and myself.  This absolutely cracked me up.  I don’t remember neither writing the note nor which dog I was referring to, but I’m guessing it would be Sam.  But obviously my brother and I wanted this dog very much.  Now as grown and being a parent, I know when getting a family pet, the children can promise to take care of it, but 9 times out of 10 it’s the parent’s responsibility – including vet bills, pet food and pet toys. Words and Actions.

In the same token as my note, it’s also just as easy to promise God all kinds of things when in a moment of distress.  “If you will help me with (insert issue) I promise Lord I will do (insert promise.)  I know I’ve done it many times over my lifetime.  Sometimes I followed through, most times – just like our New Year Resolutions they fall flat.

Living a Christ centered life is not always easy.  Christ challenges us to dig deeper, love stronger, and serve more.  This can be especially a challenge when we know others are watching us. We want to display a perfect relationship with the Father, but in our humanist, we struggle.  And trust me, I have struggled.  In doing so, I have found it interesting when the non-believer sees me failing and points it out “I thought you were so good, and yet you do this.”  My usual response is, “I am human, I make mistakes, and if I didn’t that would mean I’m in heaven.  Jesus did not come for the saved but for the sinner – which is all of us.”  I only had to say this a couple of times to my family before they stopped pointing out each of my sins.  Their words did make me very aware that they were watching.  Words and Actions

.

But all is not lost – we just need to remember Jesus’ two commandments – to love the Father above all others and love our neighbor as ourselves.  In that he never said we needed to be perfect, he knows of our human nature – he is very aware of our failings.  And that is why these two commandments are so important.  Loving the Father comes with hope, for when we fall, we must get back up, brush off our knees and reaffirm our love for the Lord and accept his love and mercy for us – even when we don’t feel we deserve it.  And in doing this we are putting our words into action, by loving ourselves and our neighbors, for love cannot be kept to ourselves – it must be shared with others.

Changing my DNA

I am a child of the 60's and 70's - and attending Catholic school after Vatican II was interesting, though I didn't know it at the time.  The Sisters did their best, but it was a whole new world, new thoughts, new ideas.  Not only were we putting a man on the moon, but society as a whole was changing - so was the Church (St. Pope John XXIII - "we need to throw open the church windows - and let the light shine in.")  I can remember a Sister when I was in High School - had us write one of our sins on a small piece of paper which we put together in a coffee can - she then set it a fire.  I don't remember her saying we were forgiven - but I think the exercise was to remind us as the smoke risen, it took our sorrow and our desire for Mercy to the Father; and to give it to God to help us overcome that particular sin.  I also remember watching a birthing film in my Senior year as part of our Senior Religion Class (which I fainted during - but that's a whole different story.)  So, I can safely say some of the basic catechism was missed.

Today I am working on improving my understanding of the Catholic Church and my faith.  One of the ways I am doing this is studying the Gospels.  I've started with Mark - it's the first written and the shortest - and according to my Pastor - it's the best (could be because his name is Mark...lol).  Now, with all this back ground information on me in mind - you can understand better my revelation.

I am into the Last Supper - Take and Eat, Take and Drink.  The commentator on this section has made an interesting point (though I'm sure I have heard this before - it has really hit me now.)  She said in Hebrew "body" does not only mean the flesh - but the whole person - flesh and soul.  As I read this I had a revelation - when we receive Holy Communion - Jesus comes into us (not new news here) - his whole person - but not just for an hour or a day - but for the rest of our lives - he has become a part of our DNA, he has become a part of who we are; he has changed us.  It is why we celebrate the first time someone celebrates the Sacrament of the Eucharist.  He is there, He is a part of us - always - whether we acknowledge it or not.  I see it as my super power.  And, receiving Holy Communion on a regular basis helps us to grow closer to him; helps us to open our hearts to acknowledge his presence within us; helps us to allow him to change us even more.

One of the other revelations I had when reflecting on how Jesus joins with us when we eat and drink - is that he is there for the long haul - not like someone who get's mad when we do something wrong and unfriends us on FaceBook - but he is there come hell or high water.  We might be going through troubling times, but Jesus is there - and he is not going away - no matter how hard we might try.

I have always had a devotion to the Holy Eucharist - when I was a child - I so believed it was Jesus' body, I thought the small cross that is in the center of host was a vein - Father said it was Jesus - and so I completely believed - without question.  But now I have an even deeper devotion - I have a better understanding of how important it is to receive Holy Communion.  As Father raises the Bread and the Wine at consecration - I find myself saying - "Thank you Lord - I believe, I truly believe.)

A Rosary in my Pocket

This past weekend, we hosted Sister Angela de Fatima Coelho from Fatima at our Parish (St. Anthony of Padua, Grand Rapids, MI).  She is the Sister who was chosen to be the Postulator for the canonization of the two of the smaller children of Fatima, Jacinta and Francisco.  And I have to say, she was simply marvelous, I could have listened to her all day.

Sister Angela told us the story of Fatima - the children were out tending the flock when they saw lightening and thought a storm was coming.  So, they began to head for home.  While doing so they came upon a bush where Jacinta and Lucia saw a beautiful lady and  knelt down.  Francisco - who thought his sister and cousin were out of their minds wanted to get home before the storm came.  At some point Jacinta and Lucia realized that Francisco could not see the beautiful lady and they asked her why could he not see her.  Her answer was for Francisco to pray his Rosary.  So they told Francisco to pray his rosary - Francisco, took his Rosary from his pocket and began to pray, while doing so, his vision was cleared and he began to see the beautiful lady.

This is where the story struck me -- Francisco took his Rosary from his pocket.  A seven year old child had his Rosary in his pocket (in fact all three of the children had their Rosary's with them.)  I began to think - do I have a Rosary in my pocket ready for prayers?  It's in my purse - does that count?  There is one by my bedside - can I count that?  But to be honest I needed to answer "no - I do not have a Rosary in my pocket ready for prayers."

Mary asked the children to pray their Rosary everyday.  I had this devotion a while ago, but have fallen away from it.  Why?  I would say it was laziness.  Honestly, I can pray a simple Rosary in about 15 minutes, if I'm adding Scripture to it - it could take a little longer.  How many 15 minute segments in my day do I waste away?

After hearing Sister Angela tell this wonderful story, I found myself with a renewed spirit to restart my devotion of praying my Rosary every day.  I also am working on keeping my Rosary with me - ready.  It's our greatest weapon to sin - and one we should all use.

When we pray our Rosary, just like Francisco, our vision will be cleared and we will begin to see God's hand at work in our lives and in the lives of those around us.  It brings many Graces with it.  For me, I always feel lighter and more hopeful.

There are many lessons we can learn from Fatima - and each of us needs to listen to the story once again (even if we think we know it by heart.)  I feel the biggest for me - at this time in my life - is the lesson of renewed spirit of prayer which will help me grow closer to the Lord.

So, I ask you - do you have your Rosary in your pocket - ready for prayers?  Join me in a renewal of this devotion and follow the instruction of our Holy Mother - to pray a Rosary every day.

You can hear Sister Angela here

Son of David, Have Pity On Me

I was just on this wonderful retreat.  Each year for the past 6 years I go to the Sisters of St Francis in Sylvania Ohio for several days (this year it was 5 days.)  They have these two one room cabins (called Hermitages) which you can rent.  There is no TV, internet, or phone. They have all your basic needs covered, including a little kitchenette for you to cook your meals.  On the campus, there are areas of artwork which you can spend time with and reflect, a lovely chapel which is a model of the chapel St. Francis built in Italy, and a Church.  Basically my retreat is my own.  I go with a bag full of books, never knowing where God will lead me.  I love to read about the Saints and this year I found a book by Pope Francis "Walking with Jesus" which is a collection of some of his Homilies and general audience sermons.  All this reading helps guide me, but I have found that the greatest time is when I just sit quietly, not talking, not thinking, but simply be with the Lord.

I know there are times I get too caught up in my prayers  - trying to justify my prayer, trying to say the right thing - adding words.  Have pity on me, heal them, forgive me, open me, protect my grandchildren --- all are simple request just like Bartimaeus - a blind man sitting along the road to Jericho who cried out as Jesus was passing by "Son of David, have pity on me." (Mark 10:46)  But more than requests, they are a sign of faith.

Faith comes when we have built a relationship with the Lord and fully trust in his compassion.  It is the "something" which we can lean on when nothing we do will help - when we finally release everything to God, and trust him.  This relationship takes our effort - to spend time with the Lord, talk with him, cry on his shoulder and thank him for the simple things in our lives.  We don't need eloquent words to ask God for help - we simply must ask, and know that God is in charge.  It is when we let go of our fears and allow our hearts and souls to take charge.  Our Lord wants us to trust him - to love him - to recognize his working in us. 

And this takes me back to my retreat - In Pope Francis' book - there was a line that hit right to the heart of things.  "God never tires of forgiving us; we are the ones who tire of seeking his mercy." (Walking with Jesus, page 16)  And as I reflected on that one little line - the tears began to flow and I found myself saying those two simple little words "forgive me."  God's mercy is so great - our human minds cannot grasp the magnitude of it.  But, unfortunately we stop asking for it, we stop asking for forgiveness.  I've come home from retreat with a desire, each and everyday to ask the Lord to "forgive me" and "grant me your mercy."  Simple prayers, yes - but ones with great impact on my relationship with the Lord.

So, I ask you to join me each day - stop what you are doing - and simply pray "forgive me."

Bargaining with God

I've done it many times - I'm sure you have too -- praying that if the Lord would do XYZ in our life then we would do ABC.

When I was experiencing my infertility issues in my early 20's - I can remember each month begging the Lord to "let this be the month" and promising the Lord all kinds of things if it could only be true.  I look back at it now and can see my lack of faith - of trusting the Lord for he can see the "big picture" and that I was only caught up in my immediate pain.

While going to all the doctors trying to overcome my infertility - it came to light that while my mother was pregnant with me (in the late 1950's) she took a drug (diethylstilbestrol - known as DES) to help with stopping miscarrying me.  She had had 4 miscarriages before me.  And she trusted her doctors and believed that this drug was good and would help her carry me to full term.  What she did not know is the lasting effects that that drug would have on my health and fertility.  I recently started doing more reading on the drug - I had known it was the cause of my infertility - but did not have a clue on what other effects it had on me.

With the revelations I had learned, I found myself asking the Lord once again - why did you not just let me still get pregnant - all things are possible - and I had read of other DES daughters still being able to conceive - though having troubled pregnancies.   And the Lord showed me, that this drug would have effected the lives of my daughters and possibly granddaughters - and that I would not have been able to survive the gut wrenching guilt and pain of it.  That took my breath away.  Yes, I had gone through much pain when I was young and trying to conceive - but Jesus could see the future and was guarding my heart from something an even greater pain - the knowledge that I had passed on this infirmity to others.

I think when we are going through troubles - yes, we need to reach out to the Lord and ask for help - but we should stop all the bargaining.  The Father has a plan for our lives, and he is perfectly capable to work around the evils of this world to see his will come to pass.  And we need to learn to trust in His plan - His will.  Our prayers should be one of praying for graces to help us work through our problems - not for them to magically go away.  I am thankful he put a wonderful Catholic doctor in my life at that time who said that it may be time to look at other options and being an adoptive father himself - he shared with me the beauties of adopting a child.  This conversation lead my husband and myself on a whole new path and within in a year we adopted a 7 year old son who need our love so desperately.

The pain of never birthing a child lingered with me for years - but the Lord have me the graces to put them aside and to rejoice the love of our son and grandchildren.

Trusting in God is a must for us and one of faith.  My prayers for myself and you is that our faith may continue to grow - our love of God consumes our heart and the peace of knowing we are walking this world with him at our side.

O Breathe on Me

O breathe on me, O breath of God,

Fill me with life anew,

That I may love the things you love,

And do what you would do.

O breathe on me, O breath of God,

Until my heart is pure,

Until my will is one with yours,

To do and to endure.

O breathe on me, O breath of God,

My will to yours incline,

Until this selfish part of me,

Glows with your fire divine.

O breathe on me, O breath of God,

So shall I never die,

But live with you the perfect life

Of your eternity.

                                                                                                 ~~Edwin Hatch
                                                                                                     1835 - 1889
                                                                                                     Public domain

Purpose in the Journey

Have you ever been at a point in your life you just ask God "What in the world is going on here - why am I having to go through this (fill in the blank)?"  Life is storming all around you - the waves are high and are threatening your life. I can assure you I definitely have.

We all have those issues which at the time feel like they will break us - for me, there have been so many --- not being able to conceive a child, going through a lengthy adoption process, a break-up of a marriage, financial issues, medical issues, death of a parent and another in deteriorating health; and the list goes on.  I can remember each time I would ask God "why is this happening - what have I done - what is the purpose of this drama - how am I to survive this?"  It can feel like your whole life has been attacked, and your journey has been stalled - turned upside down and inside out, and there isn't any way you can see that will move you out of it.  But then a ray of light will shine and  a path will open - one you did not see before, perhaps you can only see the first couple of steps, but you are drawn to it and it takes courage and strength to put one foot in front of the other.

I believe that all the challenges we go through in life, is part of a greater journey - and though we do not see the end, and we cannot understand what meaning there is in the steps we take - there is a greater plan - God's will versus our own will.  It makes me think of the old adage "it is the journey, not the destination."

Our journey may take us up hill and down - to the highest mountain tops and into deepest valleys.  Have you noticed that we grow closer to God in the valleys of our lives?  It is when all human ability is for not - and only the grace of God can save us.  Faith is found in those valleys - love and mercy are there too.

Christ calls us to trust - trust in him even when the storm surges all around us; when we are in the deepest darkest valleys.  It reminds me of when Jesus and the disciples were in the boat and a storm blew in tossing them about - the disciples were so afraid that they would capsize and drown, but Jesus was calmly sleeping through it.  And in their distress, the disciples woke Jesus - who rebuked the storm and calmed the waves.  And even though Jesus chastised them for their lack of faith - it tells me that even when all life is storming around you and your faith is not strong - simply turning to Jesus will help to calm the waves and will help your faith to grow.

Turning to Christ each day, even though the storm is growing around you - also grows your faith - and opens you up to the Lord's mercy.  Mercy is what will save us - and mercy can be found in every storm or dark valley we travel through.

Today I choose to not allow the storm to take my focus off of what is most important - I pray the same for you.

Touching Jesus

Growing up I was not much of a hugger - perhaps that is because my parents were not huggers.  This in no way affected how much I loved others - I just was uncomfortable with the physical touch.  But as I grew older, I've found I'm much more ready to give someone a hug - as long as I know them - hugging strangers - I'm not there yet.

As humans, touch is important to us - studies have shown that human touch is needed for our development.  They have new moms being mindful for their babies to have skin on skin contact.  And, it's important for the touch to be not necessarily planned, but intentional. 

So, what does that have to do with touching Jesus?  We cannot physically touch him - right?  I believe the answer is wrong - we can touch Jesus - but as with human touch - that touch needs to be intentional. 

We go through life bumping into people all the time at the grocery store, or trying to get through a busy hallway at work. I'm such a klutz that I can bump into someone even if we are the only two people in the room...lol.  Bumping into others - don't really count as touching - touch is reaching out to show love or concern for another person -- it is something personal.

My question is, how many times have I just bumped into Jesus?  We can go through our day -perhaps mindlessly pray (such as saying grace before our meal - it's automatic without much thought), Or pwe don't recognize a blessing we received; or even allowing the business of our life to simple take priority.  I know I'm guilty of all of them at one time or another - and sometimes all three at once.

Encountering the Lord - it is intentional, it must be purposely done.  Just as the women who reached out to touch Jesus' garment to stop her flow of blood.  The crowd was bumping into Jesus - crowding him - none of them were healed, but the women - reached out with intention - she knew in her heart that she only needed to touch the hem of his garment to be healed - her touch was one of faith.  Jesus stopped and asked who touched him - the disciples thought it was a crazy question given the crowd - but you see - they (the crowd) were not touching him they were just mindlessly going along bumping into him.  Jesus' wanted the women to not only have physically healing, but spiritual too which is why he asked "who touched me."

Today my prayer is for you and me to be more mindful of opportunities to touch Jesus;  And, I pray that we all may have a better understanding of the healing power of Jesus' touching us too.

What type of Dirt are you?

I have a question -- "what type of dirt are you?"  No, this is not a Facebook poll.

I just read the parable of the seeds sowed on four types of dirt - the hard path, the rocky soil, among thorns, and the fertile soil.

So, what type of dirt am I?  I believe it goes with how things are any given day or time for me..  I know I've been the thorny soil for many years in my life -- this is the soil where we allow the everyday items to chock out my faith.  It's easy to do - we can get so caught up with a busy schedule, with what society says, and such.  Faith can easily be put on a back burner. 

Many years ago, my home was filled with lovely items (it still is, but this goes better with my story - so friends, don't call me out.)  Some of the items belonged to my mother and grandmothers, others were gifts, and most were items I saw in the store and I just knew they would look cute in my home.  But one day I came to realized that among all my items on display, I had nothing which spoke of my faith.  I did have a crucifix in my bedroom - but no where else in my home.  When people came to my home, they thought it was nice, but it did not really speak of my deeper self - my faith.

A few years later, when I was finishing my undergrad, Art was in my last semester - the assignment was to have a picture taken of us (this was before selfies were a thing) set with items that spoke of who we were.  I had a stack of my college books closed and turned upside down to say I was finished - I was look to my right to as to be looking to the future and in the background a crucifix with a red rose (St. Therese') was hanging on the wall.  I now look at that picture and can see - that yes my faith was there, but it was in the background of my life.

Today I still have the crucifix in my bedroom, but now also in my main living area along with a picture and statue of St. Therese'.  I find myself looking at both each day - sometime absentmindedly -  others with a purpose.  The crucifix reminds me how great God's love is for us and my statue and picture of St. Therese' reminds me to ask for prayer - for myself, my family but also for this world.  And I would hope/believe if I was taking that picture today, an item representing my faith would be in the foreground.

So, what type of dirt am I?  Jesus explained the parable as such for his disciples.  The seeds are the word of God; the hard path is those who hear the word, but are not open to it - the seeds fall and cannot grow - then birds (Satan) comes and snatch the seed away;  the rocky soil has just a little dirt - when the seed falls here it can start to grow, but cannot grow deep roots because of all the rocks which represent underlying problems such as hardened hearts - when trouble comes - drought, winds, torrential rainfall  - which we all know it does - the seed quickly dies; the thorny grounds allows the seed to start to grow, but then quickly chocks it out - and these are all the trappings of our life; and the fertile grounds - that is when the seed falls and grow and produces a great amount of fruit.

There is one important point - we must choose what type of soil we are and we must choose to receive the seed.  As with the seed - we must choose to hear and receive the word of God.  If we just listen without an open heart and ready to learn it's deeper meaning and to allow it to change our lives - the word will not grow with in us.  Spending quiet time pondering God's word is a good thing - it is allowing that seed to grow deeper roots.

Life is not always easy - storms come through out lives and can challenge our faith.  We can find ourselves is situations where we have no idea of what to do.  These are the times if that seed has grown deep roots we can lean on it - we can know we are not alone and God is there to help us through the storm - if we simple open our hearts to it.

So, what type of dirt are you?  I pray you will allow God's words speak to your heart and that you will be open to receiving it.  I pray that your seed will grow deep roots and be strong when trouble blows.  The one blessed thing is that God allows us to change - he allows us to develop into better dirt. 

Lovely things in my home is fine - but it's not the most important when it comes to my faith.  My type of dirt changes, sometimes I may even go backwards
, but other's I move forward - life is not perfect - we are human - but the love of God is always there for us if we choose it.

Back to the Garden

In my Lenten Reading (The Last hours of Jesus by Fr. Ralph Gorman)  there is entire chapter on the Garden of Gethsemane.  Father takes us through Jesus’ prayer – his plead with the Father to remove this cup – his fight with his will versus the father’s – so much so he sweated blood. 

Early Christians was scandalized by Jesus’ agony – they felt since he was the Christ – there should not have been any issue.  But we need to remember – yes he was divine, but he was also fully human.

As I was praying and reflecting on Jesus’ agony – my husband was listening to the radio and a song came on by Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young “Woodstock” – I find it fascinating how God can speak to us. 

When the song got to the lyrics of “and we’ve got to get ourselves back to the Garden” it hit me – like a ton of bricks.  That the Garden of Gethsemane is the new Garden of Eden.

We all know the story of Eve and her fall from grace when she ate from the “Tree of Life” because she believed what the serpent told her.  She followed her own will to be equal to God – and not God’s will who told her she could eat of any of the trees except the “Tree of Life.”  Here in Gethsemane we see Jesus (who is actually equal to God for he is God) struggle with bringing his will in line with the Father’s will.  Yes it was hard – agony – but he overcame his human nature to do as the Father has asked of him.

So I asked the Lord, what does this all mean? What am I to do with it?  For one – it shows us that it’s ok to ask God to take our struggles – but be prepared – the answer just might be “no.”  Jesus showed us that we may have to work to bring our will into line with God – to let go of what we want and follow what God wants.  The Lord understands our human nature is to protect ourselves – but Jesus has shown us we can overcome that nature.  We all have that moment in time when we are faced with a situation that goes against our will - something that it might be so easy to run from and hide - hoping it will just go away - but with Christ's example we know we can face anything and follow what the Lord is asking of us.

Holy Thursday is less than two weeks away – I can say with all honesty – I will see Jesus’ agony in the garden with new light and a new heart.  I am still struggling to let go of my will – it may take me a lifetime to do it.  But with Jesus’ help and the graces he has blessed me with – I am working to “get myself back to the garden.”

Sadducees, Pharisees and Scribes Oh My!

For Lent I had decided to read The Last Hours of Jesus by Fr. Ralph Gorman (you can find it here on Amazon).  I had read it last year - but had found it late into Lent, so did so very quickly.  It is a great book, and I highly recommend it.

The author takes the four Gospels and merge them together to get a good picture of Jesus' last hours with great background information.  This year I decided to read it again, but a little slower to get a true grasp of what what going on.  The first was his descriptions of the Pharisees, Sadducees and Scribes.  I've heard of these groups all my life, but never took the time to really learn who they were and just why they had such a problem with Jesus.  So, as I read, I began listing the items the authored had wrote on each group, and as I did, a picture of who they were came to light.

Let's start with the Sadducees.  We really don't hear much about them until Jesus turns over the money changer's tables in the temple (which would have been the day after he rode into Jerusalem on the back of a donkey.)  Most of the Priests were Sadducees.  They performed the rituals and sacrificial functions reserved exclusively to the priesthood.  They completely rejected the oral traditions of the Pharisees.  And they did not believe in:  the providence of God, the existence of spirits, the immortality of the soul, the resurrection, future retribution or in the Messiah.  Their main efforts were directed to providing a cushion of riches and honors against possible adversity.  All the sacrifices the people brought to the temple, went to the Priests which they kept and used for themselves.

The people looked to the Sadducees as political leaders who administered civil and criminal law.  They were the ones who represented the Jewish population with the Romans.

So, why did they have a problem with Jesus?  Well let's start with the big issue - the money changers in the temple - the priest received a cut of the profit the money changers received and Jesus throwing them out hit the Sadducees right in the pocketbook.  Jesus also taught on everything they did not believe it - the Kingdom of God, eternal life, of the judgement of God of our sins and so on.  And though they did not approve of the Pharisees teaching - they joined forces with them against Jesus for fear of what they could loose if the people began following Jesus' teaching.

Next is the Pharisees.  Pharisees were separatist - they kept themselves away from anything that might render them impure and avoid all contact with non-Pharisees because they considered them unclean and almost as low as the pagans.  They did believe in Divine providence, free will, final retribution and the existence of angels and spirits.

We can see one but issue they had with Jesus - he walked, slept and ate with sinners - the "unclean" and had no problem with it.  This is the group Jesus called hypocrites for their enforcement of the law on people -  without concern of how it effect the people.  Remember Jesus' answer on the Sabbath "The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath." Even though they did not look highly of the Sadducees - they partnered with them to get rid of Jesus since the Sadducees administered the civil and criminal laws - they were the ones who could punish Jesus.

And last is the Scribes.  I will admit, I had no idea of who this group really was - I had always pictured them as the ones sitting by the Pharisees writing down everything they said.  But this is not true.  Scribes were the most learner-ed of the three.  Most scribes were Pharisees and trained in the knowledge of the law.  They developed extreme complex and detailed oral law (remember Sadducees rejected these laws) that theoretically, expounded and applied the Torah.  They taught/believed the Messiah was a mere man, whatever his gifts and office, his mission had nothing to do with supernatural benefits or the salvation of souls - his sole purpose, as far as they were concerned, was the delivery of Israel and the conquest of the Gentiles.  Scribes formed a closed circle with their own schools, their own disciples, their own doctrines and teaching methods.  These circles built up a "self-cult" that passed beliefs.  They demanded complete reverence and obedience from the pupils.  The author uses the example that if a student's father and teacher were both ill - the student was required to tend to the needs of their teacher before helping their father.

Jesus had not attended one of the Scribe's schools - yet he taught with such authority.  The people began calling him the Messiah - but Jesus was talking about loving your enemy. that he came to save souls from sin and at times (brace yourself) he associated with Gentiles.

The people looked to the Pharisees and Scribes for the teaching and example that would indicate what they were to believe and the way in which they were to live their lives.. 

So all together - Jesus was a threat to one big thing - POWER.  If the people began believing in what Jesus taught - the Sadducees, Pharisees and Scribes would loose their power over the people.  Jesus was basically challenging their way of living - and neither of the groups were going to have anything to do with that.  Putting Jesus to death would be their only answer - for just locking him up, his teaching could continue and would continue to be a threat to them.

He Sighed from the Depth of His Spirit

As a kid, when I had done something really bad, my Mom would look at me and sigh.  And I knew what that meant; I was in trouble – big trouble.  The sigh was a precursor to the lecture and punishment that was to come.  I always dreaded when I heard that sigh.

In Monday’s Gospel (Mark 8:11-13) we hear the Pharisees once again badgering Jesus for a sign.  The Gospel writer tells us in response, Jesus “sighed from the depth of his spirit.”  I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a pretty heavy and critical sigh.

This passage has had me thinking since I read it.  Sighing is one of those reactions that can have many meaning – it can be (as in my Mom’s case) in frustration, anger or sadness; it can come from loneliness or despair; but, it can also be one of happiness and satisfaction (think of the teen girls in the movies who sigh when they see the dreamboat captain of the football team.)  So, which one describes Jesus’ sigh?

I believe we can find a clue in the first reading.  We know that the first reading, which is from the Old Testament, is chosen to accompany the Gospel to add insight.  The reading with Monday’s Gospel was from Genesis 4:1-15, 25.  In this passage we hear about Cain and Abel – Abel brings God the best of his first fruits, Cain just picks something out – not necessarily the best and is upset that God was more pleased with Abel’s gift than Cain’s.  God sees this and approaches Cain – trying to encourage him to do better and reminding him that “sin is a demon lurking at the door.”  He also tells Cain that he is perfectly capable of becoming sin’s master instead of it’s slave.  But we all know what happens there - Cain kills Abel out of jealousy.

So, in light of the Genesis reading – I imagine Jesus’ reaction is one of frustration and sorrow.  “We still don’t get it.”  We ask for signs when the source of all life is standing right in our midst.  Mankind has not changed much from Cain to that very moment – we want what we want – and we expect to receive it – even though we might be too blind to see we already have it.

Like Cain, the Pharisees do not “get it” – which brings me to today – and I believe I do the same thing - I don't always "get it."  We can pray, pray, pray for the things we want – but we do not see what we already have – right in our hands.  Each Sunday (and some weekdays - you know weekday Masses are not just for the old) we receive the Body of Christ – the source of all love, joy, peace, mercy and hope – placed there right in our hands.  The things we want are of this world, and though we feel they are critical – in the big scheme of life – they really are not.  What is important is how we choose to live our life – one of demanding signs or one living in the joys of our God.

I don’t know about you, but today, I’m choosing joy.

A Measure of a Person

I think this story will be safe to share - I don't believe my husband reads my blog - and if he does - I will soon know....

A while back our refrigerator died and we needed a new one.  My husband measured the space several times and he felt he had what we needed.  We went shopping and picked out a new refrigerator based on his measurements.  When it was delivered however, we quickly learned that it was not going to fit.  There wasn't room for the door to open, and there was a light switch that it was tight against.  We ended up having to do a little home remodeling - taking down about 8" of wall and moving the light switch.  Whether when we looked at the measurements posted on the refrigerator they were the inside measurements or he measured incorrect, who knows we just knew something was not right.  Actually, I think it looks a little better with the changes we had to make, but that's a whole different story.

One of the Gospels for this week talked about measuring and it had me thinking about exactly what is measuring all about.  As I was researching this topic of measuring, I asked myself - "Is judging and measuring the same thing?"  I believe the answer is yes and no.  To be clear - these are my personal definitions.  To me judging is when we look at someone or something and hold it to our personal standards with us being the gold standard.  "She doesn't keep house as good as I do, so I judge her to be less than me." (just an example - my house is always in need of cleaning)  We are determining someone's worth based on our personal beliefs and standards.  Where measuring is something a little different, is when we are looking at people and things based on standards set by society or tools that we have created.  We can see where they are making progress.  But here is where it get's sticky - now, we can use those measurements to judge.  Just as when we were determining if a refrigerator would fit - my husband had used a measuring tape - we were not judging the refrigerator, we held it up to the measurements we had - but then we eliminated refrigerators if we judged that they were either too big or too small (or didn't have an ice maker - I desperately wanted an ice maker.)

So, when we "measure someone up" - we may be looking at how successful they are based on their education, income, profession, etc. We can also judge ourselves and measure our success by these same society standards.  I'm turning 60 and all the TV ads keep telling me I should have X number of dollars set aside for retirement, I do not have that amount, so I am not measuring up to others who are my same age and so I judge myself worth as being less..   These are standards set by our society - right or wrong.  For we can see by my refrigerator debacle that measurements can be wrong or incorrect.

Why is this important?  Jesus has told us that as we judge others, so shall we be judged, and what we use to measure, we will be measured.  That's a little scary.  It definitely makes me uncomfortable.  So, first we shouldn't be judging anyone or ourselves.  It's wrong and we know it.  It can be hard at times, but we must be strong.  Measuring someone or ourselves may not always be bad - it depends on what tools we use and what we are using them for.  And I believe (again this is my opinion) the only tool we should be using is the two commandments Jesus left for us.  Love God above all others, love others as we love ourselves. 

My next question - is why do we want to measure anyone or ourselves in the first place?  Sometimes I know I need to stop and reflect back on things - how I handled a situation or am I keeping the Lord first in my life.  And I measure my actions based on these two commandments.  And at times (no, really a lot of times) I can see that I did not measure up - this can help me to correct my actions, I may need to apologize to someone - or even to the Lord.  In writing this - I am seeing that perhaps we shouldn't be measuring anyone else - for then it is too easy to slide into judgement.  And when measuring ourselves - it should only be to improve our growth and not to determine our self worth.

This process has been a little eye opening for me; when I started my research, I thought measuring was ok, but now I can see it can lead to other problems (and more time in the confessional.)

Do Not Unpack and Get Comfortable

I will admit - I am a nest builder.  Whenever I've moved into a new home - I have thought about it, planned it, seen every room in my mind's eye.  When the faithful day comes, I know where I want each piece of furniture (movers love me - I can tell them exactly where to sit the couch and put the bed) and I know where to hang each picture upon the wall.  I feel safe, centered.  Life is in order. Life is good.  But is it?

And here comes the truth -- is this what God wants for our relationship with him - our journey to eternal life?  Do we tend to get to a point and stop for a while - unpack, hang pictures on the wall?  Go to Mass each Sunday, pray three Rosaries a week and pray before meals without a thought of the journey that the Lord has laid before us.  I know over my life I have many times - I grow,/move, arrive at a place and then get comfortable - too comfortable to move forward.  I come up with reasons why I cannot move - Lent is coming - so I will just stay here until Easter.  Easter comes, well it's Easter now - I like it here - I think I will hang another picture. And on and on and on it will go.

Our faith is one of growth - movement.  We are not meant to stop and move in.  We are meant to keep putting one foot in front of another.  Step by step till we reach the pinnacle of our love - the one who has loved us with an unending love - the one who created us, who loved us first.

So, why do we stop?  Why do we move in?  For me, I think it is one of fear of the unknown.  I like to understand and know what my next move will be. I tend to let life take my focus away, I can easily get "caught up" with what is going on around me and loose sight of what is stand right before me.

  But faith does not work that way - it will take us into the unknown - it takes our focus off of what is round us and moves it to what is in front of us - the Father's love.  Faith will take us to heights of which we have not dreamed of.  It will take us to people who we have not met or loved yet.  It is not always easy - it is not meant to be.  It is to be one of desire, longing, and movement.

In the Gospels we always see Jesus in movement - going from one city to the next, moving from one person to another.  We never hear of him "moving in" somewhere - even the cross could not keep him.

Growing in faith calls for movement - it calls for us to reach farther, experience God's love even deeper than we did yesterday.  It is one of learning, praying, doing.  We are called to love others as our selves.  We are called to love God above all others.  We are not called to stand still and settle in. - unpack and hang pictures.  This should  simply to be a rest stop; catch our breath and then arise and keep going.

This Lent will be for me a time of growth, movement.  I feel God's call to listen - hear His call - move closer and deeper in love with Him.  It does not mean I will abandon family and loved ones - just the opposite - my prayer is that they will join me on this journey. 

Now I need to take down those pictures....

Do Whatever He Says

This weekend's Gospel is the Wedding at Cana.  I have to admit, it is one of my favorites.  There are is so much going on in the story  and I simply love how Mary handles the whole affair.

It is suggested that since Mary, Jesus and Jesus' friends were invited to the wedding, that it most likely was for a relative.  And running out of wine for a wedding feast that goes for a week long would be terribly embarrassing for the Bride and the Groom.  Which is why Mary has taken notice of the lack of wine.  Not wanting her relatives to be embarrassed, she takes charge of the situation.

She calls her son over and explains what is going on.  Jesus makes a comment of why does this matter to me and it's not my hour.  Mary, a mother who has full confidence in her son's ability to handle the situation, does not accept Jesus' reasons.  I could almost see Mary roll her eyes (as mothers do sometimes when our children is trying to explain to us why they cannot do something we ask of them) and simple turns to the servants and tells them to do whatever Jesus says.  And then here is the best part - she leaves Jesus to handle it.

I am sure this either frustrated Jesus or amused him - the Gospels do not tell us.  We do know he was a dutiful son, who after being put on the spot, did his mother's bidding and handled the issue of the wine.

We don't know how Mary expected it to be handled, but she knew Jesus was resourceful enough to handle it and ensure that their relatives' wedding feast would continue without incident.   Jesus does handle it - and asks the servants to fill 6 large watering jugs which had been previously filled with water and was used to wash the guests' feet.  it is estimated that these jars each held 20 - 30 gallons.  The servants do as Jesus asks and then without another word, he simply tells them to draw some out and take it to the head waiter.  I'm sure they thought Jesus was crazy here - they had just filled these jugs with water and he wants them to take some to the head waiter?  But they did do just as he said, and the head waiter was amazed - not only was it now wine, but better wine than what was first served.  There are only a few witnesses to what has happened here - Jesus' friends, the servants and Mary.  We are told that his disciples began to believe in him.

As mothers we can see what our children are capable of doing - whether they believe they can or not.  And sometimes we need to do a little pushing to get them started.  Mary has done the same here.  She believed in Jesus and knew he could easily handle what needed to be done. 

Sometimes don't we all need a pushy mother in our life? 

When we feel we are being asked by the Father for something that may be a stretch to us, or we fear to do for whatever reason.  We can come up with hundreds of reasons of why we should not do it - not the right time, I'm too busy at work, I don't have enough money...etc.  But we need that mother who just listens to us and then puts us on the spot.  Mary is that for us just as she was for Jesus.  A mother who loves us, and who knows what we can do; she is fully aware of our gifts and abilities; and she know what we are capable of doing.  And she turns to us and say "do whatever he says."  There even may be a little eye rolling on her part when we protest.  But as good, faithful children - we do as our mother has requested and do whatever her son has asked of us.

A Year Acceptable to the Lord

I use to be someone who always made New Years Resolutions, and like most, I usually have broken them by mid January.  Then I went a few years with not doing anything, and now I much rather set goals.  My Spiritual Director asked me last week, where did I want myself and my faith to be at the end of 2019.  I thought about it and then said “I would like to be a published author and I would like to be bolder in my faith.”

I currently have 2 projects in the works - a children’s book and a devotional/advent calendar combo for the next Advent season.   More info on the both to come.  But what I wanted to look at is my goal at being bolder in my faith.

I had not really thought about it, but the words came tumbling out of my mouth when I answered Sister’s question.  This leads me to think, that the goal was not necessarily my goal,  but the Lord’s goal for me.

I have always been very open with my Catholic faith, but not one who really shared my deepest faith with but a few friends.  Not that I want to be in anyone’s face, but perhaps I should take the opportunity when presented to share my deep love of the Lord with others.

So, with that in mind, last week I had seen someone I am acquainted with on social media share a link about an article of nuns being sexually abused and her commentary on how the Catholic Church should close their doors and we Catholic should “wake up.” I rolled my eyes and moved on, then stopped and went back to the post.  I set it down for a little while, then decided I needed to respond.  My response was “I refuse to allow the sins of some, keep me away from the true presence of Christ in the Eucharist.”  I didn’t see any instant replies to my comment and let it go.  A few days later I went back to see if anyone added any comments to find this “friend” had un-friended me.  Honestly, it made me laugh.  Perhaps a few years ago this may have discouraged me, but not anymore.  For me it was a sign, yes, this is the direction the Lord wants me to go, and I am following it.  For I have learned when I have been on the Lord’s path, evil has tried to shut me down.  I only feel bad that evil used this person to try to move me away from my Lord.

What goals do you have for your faith? What would be a year acceptable to the Lord in your life look like? Pray on it, ask the Holy Spirit to show you where the Lord wants you to grow. And join me on an adventure this year as we travel the Lord’s path.

Happy Epiphany

Calling in the Desert

As a mother and wife I can tell you that there have been many times when I feel that everything I say falls on deaf ears.  I only want good for my family - so suggesting that my son pick up his dirty clothes or put the dish into the dishwasher versus on the counter is for his good - teaches him discipline.  But I believe there are times my family simply tunes me out.  One, perhaps because they know what I am asking them to do may require effort; or two, may require them to change something in their behaviors as in putting the dirty clothes down the laundry shoot instead of on his bedroom floor; or perhaps it is a concern that it could be a little of both.

And, I believe - make that "I know" at times I do the same with God.  I can see what he is asking of me will require me to do something/to change something.  So, I act like I didn't hear it.  Honestly, who am I kidding?  Just as I know what my child is doing, so too does the Lord know what I am doing.

It can be scary to change - it may require us stepping out of our comfort zone.  There are times when it is much easier to stay here in sin than to change.  It also just as scary when we can see the path the Lord is moving us to - and it's big and long and hard.

This is when faith must step in.  This is when we need to release our fears, and to be truthful, it is when we need to stop thinking about ourselves and our fears and just do what the Lord is asking.

Fear of what to come is a very human reaction.  We can put too much thought into it - so much so - the fear locks our feet to the ground.  What we see in the fear becomes our reality; even if it is absolutely a lie.

So, how do we release the fear?  Lots of books have been written on it, many I've read.  But it all boils down to our Faith.  Faith in the Father - faith that his love for us is greater than any fear our mind can conjure up - faith that his never ending mercy is there to help us to reject sin and pick us up each time we stumble - and faith that he is walking beside us with each and every step we take.

Today is a good day - hear the voice crying in the desert - do not tune it out or turn away.  Do not think of our own self, do not allow fear to keep us from the goodness of the Lord.  Just as Peter had to face his fear when he stepped out of the boat - the Lord is asking/calling us to do the same.

Let's turn our attention to the Lord, open our ears and do a little "water walking" today; let us step away from our fear and answer the Lord's call.